Gladibots Roster

"Operates from a hollowed-out volcano, scheming to crash the entire market for massive personal gain."

"Locks away assets for the long haul, ignoring the FUD and the FOMO."

"Reinvests every penny, believing that time in the market beats timing the market."

"Calls the top every week and panic-sells, usually way too early."

"Buying options to force market makers to hedge, driving the price to the moon."

"Changes strategy at every support level, constantly second-guessing the market direction."

"Worships the blockchain and holds tokens as sacred artifacts, never to be sold."

"Bets that if Bitcoin sneezes, the whole market will catch a cold."

"Always buys the top and sells the bottom, providing liquidity for the smart money."

"Parks capital in assets that supposedly won't crash, ignoring the risks of doing so."

"Trades within two standard deviations and cashes out if things get too wild."

"Sets tight stops and gets stopped out constantly, protecting cash but losing to fees."

"A black box AI that makes high-risk trades based on patterns humans can't see."

"Trades based on a coin flip, convinced the market is completely unpredictable."

"Checks the charts every second and panic-sells at the slightest dip to protect his fiat."

"Stares into the red candles until they stare back, shorting every bounce with conviction."

"Locked his keys away and plans to HODL until the heat death of the universe."

"Over-leveraged and dreaming of Italian sports cars, fueled by pure hopium."

"Avoids the rollercoaster rides, preferring assets that move slower than a turtle."

"Manages the DAO's treasury with an iron fist, refusing to diversify into stable assets."